“A child who becomes a master of his acts through repeated exercises [of grace and courtesy]…is a child filled with health and joy and remarkable for his calmness and discipline.” – Dr. Maria Montessori
Have you ever entered a Montessori classroom and noticed that the children are naturally respectful of each other and often helpful? An older child may help a younger child zip his jacket zipper. A child might accidentally spill beans on the floor and two children stop what they are doing to help her clean up. Two students having a disagreement decide to go over to the peace table to work it out. These are manifestations of tGrace and Courtesy in the Montessori classroom, which is built upon 1) treating the child with respect, 2) teaching the child to respect herself, 3) teaching the child to treat others with respect, and 4) teaching the child to treat her environment with respect. Grace and Courtesy remains a focus at every level of Montessori education.
When we respect a young learner’s dignity by teaching the basic rules of etiquette, it fills a need in them. Dr. Montessori once taught a small group of children how to politely blow their noses; she explained every step in detail and showed them how to do it quietly and respectfully. After this presentation, the children erupted into spontaneous applause. They were delighted to know how to do something, that to adults would seem so basic. However, to these young learners, their teacher had shown them something they were longing to know how to do.
What does this look like in our classrooms? Treating the child with respect means that we speak to the children with soft voices and at eye level. We give the children freedom to choose their work and decide where they want to work. Yet the guidelines and limits of the environment are understood by all. For example, a lesson should be put back where it came from before moving on to something new. Children are free to choose their work, but are not free to disturb the work of others. We call this “freedom with responsibility.”
There are specific Grace and Courtesy lessons that demonstrate how to respect and care for oneself, such as blowing one’s nose, washing hands, getting in and out of a chair, putting on shoes, hanging up or putting on a jacket, etc.
Lessons on respecting others include how to greet a visitor, walking around a rug, how to ask for help, using soft voices, inviting others to work, how to solve a conflict with a classmate, etc.
Lessons on respecting the environment include carrying and rolling up a rug, setting the table, how to take materials off of shelves, washing a plant, washing a table or mirror, etc. We are working daily on cultivating a sense of gratitude and nurturing wonder.
One of the main goals of a Montessori education is to prepare students to be contributing and valued members of society. This starts with lessons of Grace and Courtesy, which are key to modeling peace, learning how to act in social situations, showing respect for each other. These are tools our children will use their entire lives!
“Never help a child at a task which he feels can succeed.” -Dr. Maria Montessori
If you are lucky, your family members – especially those proud grandparents! – are excited and eager to learn more about your child’s Montessori journey. While we can’t expect our extended family to completely rearrange their homes or lifestyles, there are some simple ways that they can support your child in building independence.
Simple ways for family members to help your child’s growing independence
Allow the child to make decisions with limited choices
You can allow a child opportunities to make decisions without giving up all control. Consider offering two choices – both of which you are happy with. “Would you like a grilled cheese sandwich or chicken noodle soup for lunch?”
Allow the child to do things for herself
It is the natural instinct of a loving family member to make life “easier” for a child. But when we take away opportunities to overcome worthy challenges, we inhibit them from learning new skills and building self-esteem. For example, it may take much longer for a young child to zip up her own coat, but when time allows, give her the opportunity to try. If she begins to get frustrated, provide the minimal amount of help needed (such as holding the bottom of the coat to create tension, while the child pulls up the zipper).
Prepare the environment for independence
Allowing a child to do things for herself may require some support. Consider providing a stool at the bathroom sink so the child can reach the faucet to wash her hands. Consider putting out a small pitcher of water and a small glass so she can help herself when she is thirsty. If dishes, napkins, and silverware are placed in a lower cabinet, the child can help set the table for a meal.
Involve the child in activities of daily life
Not every visit with Grandma and Grandpa needs to involve a trip to the zoo. Children want to do what you do! Invite them to join you peeling vegetables, feeding pets, watering the flowers, etc. You may need to provide child-size tools for some of these activities, such as a small watering can or acrylic knife, so that your child can participate fully.
Create order in the environment
Instead of piling toys in a basket, consider setting up a small open bookshelf where only a few toys are accessible. This helps the child make independent choices and give more focused attention to the chosen activity. (Toys can be rotated in and out to keep the child’s interest.) A minimal, organized toy area will also help the child clean up independently because there is a clear place for everything.
Be careful of praise
Dr. Montessori found that praise can inhibit children from gaining independence because they begin to rely on the judgement of others. As an alternative, encouragement can be empowering. So instead of “Good job!” “Good girl,” or “You are so smart,” you can try, “You did it!” “Thank you for your help,” or “I can tell you worked really hard on this.”
How to help family members get on board
Model rather than preach!
Most family members won’t appreciate being given a list of rules about how to behave around your child. But you can provide a powerful example by modeling these approaches in front of your family.
Gentle reminders
Feel free to give family members gentle reminders, such as “Please don’t help him; he can do it himself” You can also make it clear what the child is capable of, such as “Lila likes to choose her own clothing. She can get dressed herself but she might need help if her arms get stuck. Please don’t worry if she puts things on the wrong way.”
Provide resources
If a family member seems receptive, you might share an article with a brief introduction to Montessori at Home, such as this one. For those who wish to know more, a nice introductory book is How to Raise an Amazing Kid the Montessori Way by Tim Seldin. Though not all of it will apply to extended family, it’s a quick read with lots of beautiful photos that provides a nice overview of Montessori for families. If you would like to help family members find child-size tools or suggest gifts that would be appreciated, you can give them a copy of the For Small Hands catalog or share a link to their website. You may also consider creating an Amazon wish list.
“The greatest gifts we can give our children are the roots of responsibility and the wings of independence.” -Dr. Maria Montessori
With a little help from family, we can create even more consistency between school and home and provide more opportunities for the child to build independence.
Dr. Angeline Lillard, professor of psychology at the University of Virginia, has been studying Montessori’s methods for more than two decades. Dr. Lillard asserts that traditional American schooling is in constant crisis because it is based on two poor models for children’s learning: the school as a factory and the child as a blank slate. As an alternative, Dr. Maria Montessori, the first female physician in Italy, devised a very different method of educating children, based on her observations of how they naturally learn. Though Dr. Montessori developed her methodology over 100 years ago, Dr. Lillard shows that science has finally caught up with her groundbreaking work.
1st edition 3rd edition, now available
In her book Montessori: The Science behind the Genius, Dr. Lillard presents scientific studies that show how children learn best, makes clear why many traditional practices come up short, and explains why Montessori methods work. One such study is “Montessori Education Provides Better Outcomes Than Traditional Methods,” published in the September 29, 2006 issue of the journal Science. Among the findings were that 5-year-old Montessori students proved to be significantly better prepared for elementary school in reading and math skills than the non-Montessori children. They also tested better on “executive function,” the ability to adapt to changing and more complex problems, an indicator of future school and life success. Montessori children also displayed better abilities on the social and behavioral tests, demonstrating a greater sense of justice and fairness. And on the playground they were much more likely to engage in emotionally positive play with peers, and less likely to engage in rough play. You can read the full article reporting on this study here.
Dr. Lillard presents the research concerning eight insights that are foundational to Montessori education and describes how each of these insights is applied in the Montessori classroom. These insights are:
- Movement and Cognition – movement and cognition are closely entwined, and movement can enhance thinking and learning;
- Choice – learning and well-being are improved when people have a sense of control over their lives;
- Interest – people learn better when they are interested in what they are learning;
- Extrinsic Rewards are Avoided – tying extrinsic rewards to an activity, like gold starts for reading or money for high grades for tests, negatively impacts motivation to engage in that activity when the reward is withdrawn;
- Learning with and from Peers – collaborative arrangements can be very conductive to learning;
- Learning in Context – learning situated in meaningful contexts is often deeper and richer than learning in abstract contexts;
- Teacher Ways and Child Ways – particular forms of adult interaction (such as “freedom with responsibility”) are associated with more optimal child outcomes;
- Order in Environment and Mind – order in the environment helps children build internal order of the mind.
In reading this book, parents and teachers alike will develop a clear understanding of what happens in a Montessori classroom and, more importantly, why it happens and why it works. A third edition of this groundbreaking work is now available!
Stages of Language Development:
Step 1: Spoken Language: create an internal dictionary and practice using the words in it
Step 2: Phonemic Awareness: learn the sounds within words and the sounds/symbols of our alphabet
Step 3: Creating Words (Writing): learn to put those sounds/symbols together to make words
Step 4: Reading: Learn to decode those sounds/symbols to decipher words
Questions and Answers
Why do you teach letter sounds rather than letter names?
What does a child need to learn to be able to write or read? That the letter “a” has a name, pronounced “aye,” or that it makes a sound, “æ” in the international phonetic alphabet, like in “apple” or “cat”? From a literacy perspective, the answer is clear: to write and read, children need to learn the sounds letters make, not their names. “Cee-aye-tee”, no matter how fast you say it, never blends together to make the sound “cat.” Yet most commercial products and educational television programs focus on teaching letter names. At best, they introduce sounds and names simultaneously, with emphasis on the name of the letters. In Montessori, in contrast, we start literacy by teaching sounds exclusively. (Download a list of Phonetic Letter Sounds here.) Because we don’t focus on letter names, the process is much less confusing for children, and it enables them to more quickly begin to write and read.
Why do you present only lowercase letters at first?
Most commercial materials and much public school instruction starts with capital print letters. This is contrary to what a child actually needs: 93% of what we read and write is written in lowercase letters, as is most of the writing they’ll do. That’s why in Montessori classrooms, we introduce lower-case letters first, and introduce capitals only later. Children in Montessori learn to associate letter sounds with letter shapes using a material called the Montessori Sandpaper Letters.
Children begin learning the letter sounds using sandpaper letters, which incorporate the sense of touch to further reinforce learning. They trace the letter with their fingers on a textured sandpaper inscription of the letter, learning the strokes used eventually to write that letter on paper.
Why do you present the letters out of (alphabetical) order?
When giving these lessons, Montessori guides present no more than three letter sounds at a time. There is no specified order of introduction, other than making sure that the letters don’t look and/or sound alike. One example of a presentation order is:
First set: c m a t
Second set: s r i p
Third set: b f o g
Fourth set: h j u l
Fifth set: d w e n
Sixth set: k q v x y z
Some Montessorians first introduce the first letter of the child’s name as a point of interest.
Why does writing precede reading?
The process and connection to writing will always precede that of reading. Cognitively, writing is just an analytical process that involves breaking down a word into its sounds. Reading is a more advanced mental process, requiring both analysis AND synthesis (putting the parts together).
Usually, children begins reading about six months after they start writing (composing words). Why? When you are writing, you are expressing your own thoughts. You are coupling sounds together to express your own intended meaning. Reading, on the other hand, involves putting sounds together and analyzing their meaning and order to comprehend an unknown meaning.
Why do you use hands-on materials to teach writing and reading?
Separate handwriting from word-building. For a child to write a word, he needs to combine two separate skills: he needs to segment the word into sounds, represented by letters—and he needs to have the motor skills to write these letters on a piece of paper. Often, children can associate sounds with letters long before they can easily form the letters: their conceptual understanding of language is more advanced than their motor skills. That’s why in the Montessori program, children first “write” by building words with the Montessori Moveable Alphabet, a set of wooden letters that a child can arrange in different orders. They make words by placing the letters on a rug. This enables them to practice putting sounds together to make words—separated from the more challenging task of forming the letters with a pencil.
Children in Montessori classrooms also prepare the hand for writing with physical exercises, such as those found in our Practical Life and Sensorial areas. Children need to cut with scissors; they need to paint, to sew, to peel eggs, to wash tables; they need to build towers, hold puzzles by little knobs and carry big materials. These indirect preparatory materials strengthen shoulder, arm, wrist and finger muscles! The Montessori Metal Insets then help children joyfully master full pencil control: as they trace the inside and outside of the shapes, and color them in with careful, parallel lines, they have fun creating art and are imperceptibly and steadily improving their pencil control.
Why do you teach cursive first?
While cursive letters seem intimidating to most adults, they actually prove to be easier to learn than print letters: while writing in cursive, you don’t have to continuously lift the pencil off the page. This makes the act of writing fluid and continuous, without the extra stops and starts associated with print letters. In addition, letters that are easy to confuse in print are distinct in cursive, so children are less likely to reverse these letters.
Fascinating new research points out the benefits of cursive writing for cognitive development. A recent article in Psychology Today cited research which shows that:
- Students “wrote more words, faster, and expressed more ideas when writing essays by hand versus with a keyboard.” This study included second, fourth, and sixth graders.
- “Cursive writing helps train the brain to integrate visual (and) tactile information, and fine motor dexterity.”
- The regions of the brain that are activated during reading were “activated during handwriting, but not during typing.”
How can parents help at home?
You can help by:
- Articulating slowly and carefully
- Encouraging the children to speak and pronounce words
- Repeating new words
- Singing songs
- Reading books
- Reciting poetry
- Playing sound games like “I Spy” (see below)
- Please do not teach your child to memorize the names of the letters! Instead, emphasize the sound that each letter makes.
- Write in cursive when writing with your child
- Use lowercase letters when writing with your child
- Enjoy activities that build the muscles needed for writing (cutting, painting, etc.)
The “I Spy” Game
Here’s a great way to start on letter sounds, suitable for children of about 2 ½ years or older: Play a sound “I spy” game. Collect a few items with different beginning sounds (a fork, a cup, a napkin, for example). Place each item in your hand, and focus your child’s interest on the sound at the beginning of the word: “I spy something in my hand that starts with fffff: a f f f fork.” Once your child has mastered the sounds, you can advance to playing real “I spy”, asking them to look around and find items in their environment that start with the letter sound you mention. You can play this game at home, while on a walk, or in the car!
An important note: When making letter sounds with your child, be careful not to add the sound “uh” to the end. Letter sounds should be clipped to include only the consonant itself, such as “c” as in “cat” – and not “cuh.” You can download a list of Phonetic Letter Sounds here.
Greetings from Florida! For those of you who don’t know me, I was a Lower Elementary guide and then the Director of Admissions at Greenspring before moving to Florida. I began this series on Montessori in the Home to help parents find creative ways to implement Montessori practices at home. My daughter, Lila, just turned four. Her play space has evolved since she was an infant, but the guiding principles remain the same.
Setting up a Montessori-inspired play space at home does not require a great deal of time or expense. The goal is simply to create a space that encourages independence and concentration. Here are some key components to keep in mind:
Simplify: Montessori spaces use more neutral colors and have very little (or nothing) hanging on the walls. What is displayed on the walls is carefully chosen and hanging at the child’s eye level. The goal is to reduce the visual stimulation of the environment, so that the child will be attracted to the materials (toys) and be able to concentrate on her work (play).
A sample play space for a young toddler A sample play space for a six year old
Reduce: Consider reducing the number of toys available. You may use a small shelving unit with two or three shelves and just a few items on each shelf. Putting out just a few toys at once, and rotating them regularly, allows your child to focus on what’s available. Also, rotating toys will rekindle your child’s interest in older toys that they haven’t seen for a while. When a toy has remained on the shelf for a whole week untouched, you know it’s time to put it away and put out something different.
Organize: Children have a sensitive period for order from birth through age five, peaking in early toddlerhood. You can see this through young children’s love for routine and repetition. Young children are most comfortable when their physical environments are orderly. Montessori environments support this desire for order by designating a specific spot for each material. In a play area, instead of a big toy bins full of many unrelated things, each toy has a space where it belongs on a shelf. Toys with multiple pieces, like blocks or play animals, can be organized in small baskets or trays on the shelf. You can even attach photos to each bin or shelf so that the child knows exactly where each toy belongs.
Provide varied work spaces: The furniture in Montessori classrooms is child-sized and the materials are kept on low shelves so that the child can access them independently. If you have the space at home, it’s ideal to include a child-size table and chair(s), an open space allowing for movement and large floor work, and a cozy spot for resting or recovering from an upsetting moment.
Include nature: If possible, choose a room with natural light. House plants offer children a chance to take care of something, as well as adding natural beauty to the room. Young children also love watching fish or other pets and older children can help feed and care for them as well. You might also consider setting up an outdoor play area where your child can dig in the dirt, water plants, enjoy sand and water play, and do messy art projects.
Choose toys carefully: While there is no need to fill your home with “academic” work, you can select toys that help your child develop in different ways. You might think about including toys that develop fine motor (small muscles), gross motor (big muscles), art and music, books, and open-ended items (like blocks) for creative play. It’s also important to include toys that offer a varying degree of difficulty. You want a mix of challenging toys and things that are easy and familiar for her to play with when she needs a mental break. Open-ended toys that engage rather than entertain (such as those that light up or make noises) will encourage creativity and concentration.
Give it a try! This might seem like a lot to think about, but you can pick and choose what works for your child and your home. I feel free to “break the rules.” I still keep all of Lila’s stuffed animals in one large bin. And though most gifts made of plastic or requiring batteries “disappear” after a few days, a few favorites have been allowed to stay. And despite my best intentions, getting Lila interested in “clean up time” is still a constant struggle. So don’t be too hard on yourself. Just have fun with it!
*By the way, you don’t need to spend a lot of money on toys, especially for young children. These have been some of Lila’s favorites over the years:
Scooping jingle bells into a metal muffin tin, posting poker chips into a coffee can, and posting ping pong balls through a paper towel tube.
As a toddler, Lila enjoyed the sound that polished stones made when dropped into a glass bowl; later she enjoyed sorting them by size and color; now she is interested in rocks and minerals.
Lila keeps a collection of natural treasures; recyclable materials make wonderful art supplies. Now Lila stops me on the way to the recycling bin and says, “Wait, we can make art with that!”
I have also written about setting up a Montessori kitchen, Montessori bedroom and a Montessori bathroom. Questions, comments, suggestions? Email me at mjarrell@greenspringmontessori.org.
