The ability to concentrate and focus is at the core of satisfying and successful experiences in many aspects of life. As adults we need to attend to what we’re doing, whether it be the details of a graph we’re explaining at a meeting, the particulars of a recipe, or the art of active listening to the people we engage with every day. This ability has many new challenges in times we live in. Children must be equipped with the ability to concentrate and Montessori education does so much to address this need.
While concentration at the Children’s House level often looks like a student sitting alone with her work, engrossed in the task at hand, successful concentration looks a little different for the Elementary and Adolescent Community student. The Elementary child must learn to work collaboratively with others. This partner and group work means the child will be engrossed in their work, stop to talk to a friend for a few minutes, and then continue working. The ability to be interrupted and return to focused work is an incredible asset as an adult and the Montessori student practices this skill throughout the work cycle as he or she interacts with classmates during work and participates in lessons.
Similar to the Elementary student, the Adolescent Community student often works on projects in groups. Concentration for Elementary and Adolescent Community students means fully engaging in the projects and work. This is done when enough choice is given so that students can take ownership and invest in their work. In contrast, when everyone is given the same thing to do, some students will inevitably be more invested than others. However, students who are invited to choose within a particular assignment or project, tend to focus more because they are more engaged. Students are also focused when the work is challenging, but not so challenging that they give up.
The ability to focus on the present moment and attend to one’s work is challenging given the busy lives children lead, as well as the distraction of so many pinging and buzzing devices. At Greenspring, we support the students’ ability to concentrate with frequent opportunities for self-reflection that are built into the day. In Lower and Upper Elementary as well as Adolescent Community, students reflect on best practices after each work period, and often write in their work log about the work cycle. The process of reflection offers many insights into the child’s experience. Studies show that regular mindfulness-focused activities support concentration.
Home Challenge:
Challenge yourself to stand back and observe your child the next time he or she is focused on a project. This could be as simple as tying a shoe or as complex as building a Lego invention. See how long they are able to work independently to overcome the challenge and resist the overwhelming urge to swoop in and help. Be mindful of how often you are drawn to ask questions, fix the perceived problem, or otherwise distract from this process. A child’s ability to concentrate is a beautiful thing to observe!
Does this sound familiar?
“How was your day?” … “Fine.”
“What did you do at school?” … “Nothing.”
It can be hard to get children to open up about what’s going on in their world, especially after a long day at school. Here are a few different communication strategies you can try. Find ones that work best for your family and then practice until they become part of your daily routine. This process takes time but can lead to more satisfying conversations in the long run.
Strategies to Try:
Wait at least a half an hour
After a long day at school wait at least 30 minutes to trying to engage in a conversation. Give your child a chance to take off the backpack, relax, and have a snack.
Ask open-ended questions
“Do you have homework?” or “Did you give your speech?” are questions that only invite a yes or no response. So try to pose open ended questions. Get creative! (There is a list of examples below.)
Be present
The moment your child starts to engage in conversation, stop what you are doing, and give your full attention. It can be hard to tear yourself away from what you’re doing to focus on a child’s question or comment, but your response can either encourage or shut down the conversation. Don’t forget to look interested!
Listen! And stretch the conversation…
Don’t talk, listen! Try comments like “Really?” “Uh-huh?” “I don’t believe it!” “Wow!” to stretch the conversation. They are non-threatening and invite the child to open up. You can also reflect back what the child is saying so they know you understand, and then be quiet so they can talk more. Child: “I played on the swing.” You: “You played on the swing.” The trick is to repeat the tidbit in a matter-of-fact but interested way to get your child to open up and add more.
Try to listen without judgement
Pushing, prodding, demanding, coaxing, lecturing, and threatening are sure ways to end conversations. Questions that begin with “Why” often make kids defensive. “Why did you wear that?” won’t work nearly as well as, “What do you think most of the kids will be wearing to the theater?”
Resist the urge to jump in with solutions and advice
Your child needs a chance to vent and can’t hear advice until she does. Then she needs a chance to figure out her own solutions, which is how she develops confidence and competence. When we can reflect feelings and then help children brainstorm solutions, kids find us more useful to talk to — and they’re more likely to seek us out when they have problems.
Take advantage of indirect communication
Kids often open more in the car, on a walk, or in the dark — all times when eye contact is limited. Remember that these are great times to get kids talking. Another opportunity for indirect communication is when their friends are over or in your car. Just keep quiet and listen. Your child knows you’re there, of course, but often is more willing to talk than if you were speaking directly.
Questions a child might answer at the end of a long school day:
What made you laugh today?
Did anything silly happen?
Did anyone do anything super nice for you?
What is the nicest thing you did for someone else?
Was there an example of unkindness? How did you respond?
What games did you play at recess?
Does everyone have a friend at recess?
Who did you sit with at lunch?
Who do you want to make friends with but haven’t yet? Why not?
Did you help anyone today?
Did you tell anyone “thank you?”
Who inspired you today?
What is something that surprised you?
What is something that challenged you?
What made you feel proud?
How were you brave today?
Will you teach me a song you learned at school?
What was your least favorite part of the day?
Tell me something good (or three!) that happened today.
What are you looking forward to tomorrow?
Do you have a teenager? Huffington Post has some great ideas about starting the conversation with your teenage children. Take a look here – https://www.huffingtonpost.com/liz-evans/28-ways-to-ask-your-teens-how-was-school-today-without-asking-them-how-was-school-today_b_5751546.html
If you are interested in learning more about Greenspring Montessori School, please click here to request more information.
Written by Terriann Lane, Children’s House Guide
“A child is an eager observer and is particularly attracted by the actions of the adults and wants to imitate them. In this regard, an adult can have a kind of mission. He can be an inspiration for the child’s actions, a kind of open book, wherein a child can learn how to direct his own movements.” – Dr. Maria Montessori
Recently, I read an article titled, “Grace and Courtesy Beyond Please and Thank You.” The author shared an experience during a hotel stay that left her awestruck. An incident occurred that involved teenagers who chose to trash their hotel rooms, blast loud music, and run wild in the hallways, while unattended by their parents. The housekeeping staff was overwhelmed by the disaster created by the teens’ behaviors. The author wondered why and how the teenagers considered their actions to be appropriate behavior?
As a parent, I can presume that it is important to parents that their children learn to be kind, polite, considerate of others, and mindful of their actions. Consider the actions of the teenagers. What can we do as parents to instill appropriate social behaviors in our children? Society offers innumerable examples of antisocial and pro-social behaviors. Therefore, the onus is on us to model behaviors beyond please and thank you.
Children learn from those within their environments. Therefore, it is important to demonstrate grace and courtesy to children all of the time. Modeling behaviors in preparation for or in response to specific situations helps the children to practice new skills to use later when interacting with others and caring for environments. As adults, we must do what we expect the children to do and never model what we do not want them to do. Demonstrating grace and courtesy should be true, brief, and shown as many times as necessary until the child repeats the skill.
P. Donahue Shortridge wrote, “So if there is anything you want your child to know how to do, or a way you want him or her to behave, you should first model it, then show him or her how to do it, offer lots
of opportunities for practice, and finally, hold the child accountable. First, modeling: In the early years of life, we learn mostly by taking
in the sensorial impressions of the world around us. A series of neural connections helps us imprint that which we see. The child watches what other people do and attempts to do it, too. ” If we want our child to wait his or her turn to speak, stay seated at the dinner table, say thank you in response to being helped, say excuse me when interrupting, help someone who is need of assistance, and know how to conduct him/herself in a restaurant, grocery store, or at a hotel, we must set the example and model the behaviors.
There are many opportunities to provide examples. Modeling should be demonstrated daily, naturally, habitually, slowly, and simply. Parents can demonstrate how to push one’s chair under the table after being excused from the dinner table, return an object to its original location, hang a wet towel to dry after use or place a soiled towel in a clothes hamper, hold a door for someone carrying a load, etc.
Taking the time to model and practice social protocols and good manners, as well as holding children accountable, will empower them to respond appropriately to specific situations and encourage self-discipline.
Parent Challenge: Choose one behavior you would like to model for your child. (For example, placing a hand on a family member’s arm rather than interrupting.) First, invite your child to try something new. Your child will pick up on the excitement in your voice. With as few words as possible and moving slowly and carefully, demonstrate the way you wish your child to wait. Then invite your child to try it! Your child may wish to give a lesson to another family member. She may also enjoy role-playing scenarios of how to do this and how not to do this correctly. Switch roles and have fun!
Reference: Shortbridge, P. Donohue. “Grace and Courtesy Beyond Please and Thank You.” Montessori Life, Spring 2016.
Written by Marketa Traband, Children’s House Guide
“In our work, therefore, we have given a name to this part of the mind which is built up by exactitude, we call it the ‘mathematical mind.’”
– Dr. Maria Montessori, The Absorbent Mind
Maria Montessori’s use of the term, ‘The Mathematical Mind,’ refers to the unique tendencies of the human mind, such as order, exactness, exploration, and orientation. Humans also have the unique abilities to imagine, create, and think abstractly. Montessori designed her math materials to incorporate the natural capabilities of a child’s mathematical mind.
All children have mathematical tendencies, and all children should be able to enjoy mathematical studies. Dr. Montessori proposed that the introduction of mathematics during the period of the absorbent mind (0-6 years) enables the child to form positive associations with numbers, which can be carried on throughout life. The key is to provide the child with hands-on experiences. For the young child, an explanation is not enough. Dr. Montessori wrote: “Education is a natural process carried out by the child and is not acquired by listening to words but by experiences in the environment.” Montessori demonstrated that if a child has access to concrete mathematical materials in his early years, she can come to her own understanding of abstraction concerning the concept. On the other hand, these same skills and facts may require long hours of laborious work if introduced later in abstract forms or simply asked to memorize.
To make a mathematical abstraction, the child must have a prepared foundation of experiences of order, sequence, and sensorial experience of things around her. So it is no accident that the basic materials of the Sensorial apparatus are based on the quantity of ten. Likewise, the area of Practical Life nurtures the mathematical mind of the child through its precision and order. Many materials in the Montessori environment have indirect aims that contribute to the development of the mathematical mind.
At a certain point in development, usually around the age of four, the child enters the sensitive period for numbers, and the child’s mathematical nature awakens. She graduates from purely sensorial explorations to interest in specific measuring and counting. Once begun, the child progresses through the math materials sequentially. The first group of exercises is work with numbers 1 to 10. The child learns the quantities from 1 to 10 through a very concrete experience with the number rods. After this, we introduce symbols and the child learns to associate quantity and symbol with the number rods and cards. The sandpaper numbers isolate the symbols for the quantities, and tracing them prepares the hand for writing numerals. With the spindle boxes, we are introducing zero as a concept and the child learns to isolate symbols and quantities – zero through 9.
With Cards and Counters, the child lays out the cards and the counters in a particular way. This work is also an introductory of odd and even numbers. With the Memory game, the child relates what she knows about numbers 0-10 to the environment.
These exercises give the child experience allowing for variety and repetition. The presentation of The Golden Beads gives a visual and a very concrete experience of the decimal system. We begin with units, then tens, hundreds and thousands. It all begins with quantity and then the child is given the symbols. Later the child is putting quantity and symbol together. Following are the four operations; addition, subtraction, multiplication and division.
The Teens and Tens work isolates the linear aspects of the decimal system. The child learns the terminology of individual numbers and how to count and recognize numbers from one to 1000 and beyond.
The memory work contains exercises designed to give the child an understanding and the acts necessary to work with the material in abstract terms. The child is given lessons to support her work with addition, subtraction, multiplication and division in totally abstract terms.
One of the last math apparatus used in the primary class are fractions. This is a transitional material from primary to elementary.
During the sensitive period for numbers, the hands-on Montessori materials allow the child to form concrete impressions of the world of mathematics. This in turn, allows her to experience mathematics with positive associations and allow a child to experience the satisfaction of learning through self-discovery. The learning, therefore, is truly the child’s own and cultivates a lifelong love of learning!
Learn more about the Greenspring Montessori School Children’s House Program.
Written by Emily Shattuck, Children’s House Lead Guide (and Mother of Two)
“Your job as a parent is to put yourself out of a job by raising your kid to independent adulthood (where independence equals not turning to you to handle/fix/resolve everything) and when you appreciate that every day offers a chance to build that independence, no matter what age and stage your kid’s at.”
~ Julie Lythcott-Haims author of How to Raise an Adult: Break Free of the Overparenting Trap
I agree with this quotation, but as a parent, I am also saddened by its truth. We all love our children and take great pride in caring for them: feeding them, dressing them, making sure they get enough rest, waking them in the morning, cleaning them, entertaining them, and educating them. As a parent of a 16 year-old high school junior and a 12 year-old seventh grader, I have fond memories of caring for my children as infants, toddlers, pre-schoolers, and through the elementary years. It is wonderful to feel needed and loved by our children. Being a parent is a very rewarding, fulfilling, and exhausting job and we would not trade it for the world!
While my children were young, however, I also was wary of the cultural norms to over-parent or “helicopter parent.” I know my children needed to develop skills to eventually leave the house at 18 and find their way in the world and it is my job to prepare them. With just two years remaining before my daughter’s 18th birthday, I decided to prepare myself for the craziness of the college application process and I picked up How to Raise an Adult, written in 2015 by Julie Lyhtcott-Haim, the former Stanford Freshman Dean of students. As a Montessori Children’s House guide, I was delighted when Montessori education was mentioned throughout the book. It states, “Despite the evidence that Montessori’s student-driven learning approach is a springboard to success in life, Montessori has yet to become a mainstream model for education in the in the United States.” (p. 158) It was both a relief and a validation that my children were Montessori students and had the benefit of a Montessori education.
Although many aspects of the Montessori curriculum lends itself to creating resilient, creative, caring, responsible adults, the Practical Life lessons in the Children’s House build the strongest foundation for a path to independence. When developing her first school in Rome circa 1907, Maria Montessori observed that children between the ages of two and a half to six years delighted in helping to care for their classroom. Montessori created child-size tables, chairs, brooms, mops, and other materials so the children could practice sweeping, mopping, and cleaning. She noticed that children enjoyed helping prepare food, set the table, do laundry, garden, and clean as adults do. An entire curriculum was created to fulfill the child’s need to contribute to his community and the Exercises of Practical Life were born.
There are four components of the Practical Life curriculum: Preliminary Exercises, Applied Exercises, Lessons of Grace and Courtesy, and Control of Movement Exercises. The Preliminary Exercises are lessons to give the child the opportunity to practice movements that she will use on a daily basis to perform tasks such as pouring, using a spoon, spreading with a knife, cutting food, or folding laundry. In the Applied Exercises, the child utilizes these developing skills to care for herself and the classroom environment, such as with hand washing, dressing herself, washing a table, or mopping the floor. The lessons of Grace and Courtesy provide the child with the opportunity to learn and practice social graces. Grace and Courtesy lessons include blowing one’s nose, saying excuse me, greeting a guest, introducing oneself, and walking around a work rug. The Control of Movement Exercises help develop self-control and include walking on the line and the Silence Game. The aim of all the Practical Life lessons is to promote independence, responsibility, coordination, concentration, respect for one’s self and their environment, and provide the child the opportunity to develop their identity as a contributing citizen of the community.
As a parent, it is comforting to know that our children are exposed to the lessons of Practical Life and are establishing themselves as members of their Montessori community. But we can also help our children develop these skills by allowing them to play a contributing role in the home environment. “A longitudinal study conducted by Dr. Diana Baumrind concluded that those who were most successful began doing chores at age three or four years of age, whereas those who waited until their teen years to start doing chores were comparatively less successful.” (Lythcott-Haim p. 198) This is wonderful news to parents of current Children’s House children because your children are already accustomed to this role in the classroom. By bridging the gap between school and home, you can assist your child in developing resilience, responsibility, and independence.
Montessori guides have an advantage since they can design the entire environment to serve the construction of the child’s personality. At home the surroundings and pace of life are designed for adults. Our job, as parents, therefore, is to remove obstacles to our children’s independence in the home life. Parents can begin this process as the Montessori guide does – by observing the child. Observe what the child can do for himself already, his interests, what causes frustration, and which skills that he needs to work on. Once we have observed the child, we can begin to prepare lessons that will serve the child’s development. For instance, if we see that a child cannot put on his own shoes or pour his own drink for snack, we present simplified lessons so the child can practice these skills in order to gain mastery. This requires thoughtfulness and patience. We cannot rush the child when he is doing the hard work of self-construction. We should move slowly, carefully, and with precision. As adults, we do not realize how fast we are moving! Children at this age have not developed the visual acuteness to track fast movements, so we must remind ourselves to slow down when we are giving a child a lesson. The Practical Life Exercises are also given in silence. You can name the activity and the tools used for the work, but the movements are not accompanied by language. We are silent so that the children can process the steps and actions visually and are not confused or bogged down by auditory processing as well.
For instance, if you would like to give your child a lesson on washing his face you could introduce the lesson, “Today I will give you a lesson on washing your face.” You can name the tools used, “This is a wash cloth. This is soap. This is a towel.” Then you can demonstrate slowly how to turn on the faucet, wet the washcloth, rub it on the soap, rub it on your face, rinse the washcloth with water, rub your face again, turn off the faucet, hang up the washcloth to dry, and dry your hands and face. When preparing to give your child a lesson, practice yourself first and gather the necessary supplies. Make sure the supplies needed are suited to the child’s size and are accessible by the child independently. Practice the actions yourself, breaking them into steps, moving mindfully and slowly. When you are ready you can give a lesson to your child, finish the lesson by saying, “Now it’s your turn!” and give your child a turn to practice. You can end the lesson by saying, “You can wash your face whenever you like!” You do not praise the child, as the lesson it is not for your benefit, but a gift for your child.
Vicki Hoefle, author of Duct Tape Parenting, gives examples of skills and tasks children should learn and master at age four, including getting dressed on their own, making toast, brushing teeth, setting the table, taking dirty dishes to the dishwasher, making the bed, combing hair, packing own back pack, taking a bath, waking up with an alarm clock, wiping the table after meals, feeding pets, and cleaning the kitchen sink. (p. 143) Lythcott-Haims also includes tasks such as putting dirty clothes in the hamper, putting away toys, dusting, and washing one’s face (p. 167) as basic life-skills children age 3-5 should learn. “Children are innately interested and open to learning basic life skills, and if allowed and encouraged to do so, they grow into confident people who know that they matter within the family and within the community. This in turn affects how they develop socially. By the time they are teenagers, if they’ve mastered basic self and life skills, they can focus on developing their social skills.” (Hoefle p. 133)
Keep in mind that you must have patience, understanding, and self-restraint to actually make this work in your home. Your child is not going to perform these tasks perfectly the first time, or maybe even the 60th time. This is a process. It is our job to observe, give the lesson, and then move out of the way! Above all, do not follow behind them and do it for them if it is not done to your standards! That undermines their work and their self-worth. Also these tasks or chores should not be tied to an allowance, reward, or praise. They should be expectations as your child’s contribution to the household. (If you do want to introduce an allowance to help your child learn about financial responsibility, more guidance is given in Duct Tape Parenting.)
For more ideas on how to raise respectful, responsible, and resilient children, I highly recommend reading Duct Tape Parenting. If you are concerned that you may be one of those parents on the path to writing your child’s college essays, then I suggest How to Raise an Adult.
Your challenge this month:
Choose a time of day that you wish your child was more independent (for example, preparing for school, mealtime, or bedtime) and observe for fifteen minutes without stepping in. Then make a plan to determine what is going well and what your child needs to still work on. Develop a lesson to support your child with one skill. Then observe over the next few weeks to see how your child is progressing.
I hope you are as inspired as I am about current parenting books echoing what Maria Montessori knew over a century ago. “Children are the constructors of men whom they build. Childhood constructs with what it finds. If the materials are poor, the construction is also poor.” (Maria Montessori, letter to a government official,1947) And how fortunate to have your own child beginning the exciting work of creating the person he is to become!
Written by Shannon Brown, Children’s House Guide
An Adolescent reading to Children’s House friends.
Perhaps the most dramatic jump in language development is the growth of vocabulary that occurs between the ages of two to six. This explosion in language does not occur at any other time in your child’s life! This is why Montessorians refer to this timeframe a “sensitive period” for language.
Children exposed to rich language during this window will seemingly absorb new vocabulary, spark new interests, develop conversational skills, as well as build social confidence and greater independence.
The child’s sensitive period for language shows itself as an insatiable hunger for words. We use rich vocabulary in the classroom (rhombus, vibration, translucent, etc.), not for the purposes of memorization, but expose your child to the richness of language and the world around him. Your child is ecstatic to learn and apply this new vocabulary. As we get to know your child’s interests, we provide (and often create new) materials to reflect those interests. These materials often spark the interest of others in the class and the energy is infectious! Guides often find themselves learning alongside the children.
Ms. Marketa offers a lesson to two Children’s House children.
The Children’s House environment provides your child countless opportunities to listen and to speak – ie, the art of conversation. These lessons begin the first day your child walks through the door. Whenever a Guide or Assistant is sharing a “true story,” eliciting a conversation from your child’s drawing, singing a song, or reading a book to the group, she is serving as a model for language. Whenever your child is sharing a personal anecdote with us, we elicit conversation to help him formulate, organize, and refine his thoughts. We ask basic comprehension questions to help him identify the characters and the setting. Who was with you? Where did that happen? Did you enjoy it?
When we respond to what your child has said and ask him to provide more detail, we are modeling the dynamics of having a conversation. When we are listening to your child, we do so with interest and presence, because we want your child to feel that what he says has great value. We make eye contact and show your child that he has our undivided attention. These are essential social skills that will benefit your child throughout his life! Practicing conversations will also support the child in developing clear enunciation and pronunciation, which are important aspects of communication. Finally, these experiences will strengthen your child’s listening skills, for in order to listen effectively, one must inhibit talking, which requires the development of the will.
The nurturing environment of the Montessori classroom provides a safe and supportive space for your child to find his voice and feel comfortable to express his thoughts and opinions. With time, he will grow his confidence and ability to communicate his thoughts to others. Developing confidence in his ability to express himself frees your child from being dependent on others to speak for him. He will be empowered to express his feelings to others, and learn to resolve his conflicts independently.
Parent Challenge of the Month:
Listen carefully to the language you use with your child. Is it mostly directive (giving instructions) or is it full of rich vocabulary? Challenge yourself to sit down and have a conversation with your child at least once a day for the next month. You’ll be amazed as she begins to use colorful adjectives and specific verbs in her conversations!
