Margaret Jarrell, Author at Greenspring Montessori School

Modeling Grace and Courtesy

Written by Terriann Lane, Children’s House Guide

“A child is an eager observer and is particularly attracted by the actions of the adults and wants to imitate them. In this regard, an adult can have a kind of mission. He can be an inspiration for the child’s actions, a kind of open book, wherein a child can learn how to direct his own movements.” – Dr. Maria Montessori

Recently, I read an article titled, “Grace and Courtesy Beyond Please and Thank You.” The author shared an experience during a hotel stay that left her awestruck. An incident occurred that involved teenagers who chose to trash their hotel rooms, blast loud music, and run wild in the hallways, while unattended by their parents. The housekeeping staff was overwhelmed by the disaster created by the teens’ behaviors. The author wondered why and how the teenagers considered their actions to be appropriate behavior?

As a parent, I can presume that it is important to parents that their children learn to be kind, polite, considerate of others, and mindful of their actions. Consider the actions of the teenagers. What can we do as parents to instill appropriate social behaviors in our children? Society offers innumerable examples of antisocial and pro-social behaviors. Therefore, the onus is on us to model behaviors beyond please and thank you.

Children learn from those within their environments. Therefore, it is important to demonstrate grace and courtesy to children all of the time. Modeling behaviors in preparation for or in response to specific situations helps the children to practice new skills to use later when interacting with others and caring for environments. As adults, we must do what we expect the children to do and never model what we do not want them to do. Demonstrating grace and courtesy should be true, brief, and shown as many times as necessary until the child repeats the skill.

P. Donahue Shortridge wrote, “So if there is anything you want your child to know how to do, or a way you want him or her to behave, you should first model it, then show him or her how to do it, offer lots  of opportunities for practice, and finally, hold the child accountable. First, modeling: In the early years of life, we learn mostly by taking  in the sensorial impressions of the world around us. A series of neural connections helps us imprint that which we see. The child watches what other people do and attempts to do it, too. ” If we want our child to wait his or her turn to speak, stay seated at the dinner table, say thank you in response to being helped, say excuse me when interrupting, help someone who is need of assistance, and know how to conduct him/herself in a restaurant, grocery store, or at a hotel, we must set the example and model the behaviors.

There are many opportunities to provide examples. Modeling should be demonstrated daily, naturally, habitually, slowly, and simply. Parents can demonstrate how to push one’s chair under the table after being excused from the dinner table, return an object to its original location, hang a wet towel to dry after use or place a soiled towel in a clothes hamper, hold a door for someone carrying a load, etc.

Taking the time to model and practice social protocols and good manners, as well as holding children accountable, will empower them to respond appropriately to specific situations and encourage self-discipline.

Parent Challenge: Choose one behavior you would like to model for your child. (For example, placing a hand on a family member’s arm rather than interrupting.) First, invite your child to try something new. Your child will pick up on the excitement in your voice. With as few words as possible and moving slowly and carefully, demonstrate the way you wish your child to wait. Then invite your child to try it! Your child may wish to give a lesson to another family member. She may also enjoy role-playing scenarios of how to do this and how not to do this correctly. Switch roles and have fun!

Reference: Shortbridge, P. Donohue. “Grace and Courtesy Beyond Please and Thank You.” Montessori Life, Spring 2016.

Learn more about Greenspring Montessori’s Children’s House program.

The Uninterrupted Work Cycle

Written by Margaret Jarrell, former Lower Elementary Guide

“The mind takes some time to develop interest, to be set in motion, to get warmed up into a subject, to attain a state of profitable work. If at this time there is interruption, not only is a period of profitable work lost, but the interruption, produces an unpleasant sensation which is identical to fatigue.” – Dr. Maria Montessori

In many traditional classrooms, students move through a series of subject periods, in which they must start and stop their work on a given subject according to a predetermined schedule. Can you imagine the frustration you would feel if fully immersed in a task, deep in concentration, and were suddenly jarred out of your thoughts by the ringing of a bell? You were just about to make a breakthrough? Too bad! It’s on to the next subject. This is not how the real world works and it is also not how children learn best.

So what is the alternative? Dr. Montessori discovered that children as young as three are able to choose productive and challenging work, focus on the task at hand, finish a cycle of work, rest without interrupting those who are working, and repeat this sequence. The three-hour, uninterrupted work cycle allows students to freely choose work and engage in work more thoroughly. Based on her experiences observing children during an uninterrupted work period, Dr. Montessori wrote: “Each time a polarization of attention took place, the child began to be completely transformed, to become calmer, more intelligent, and more expansive.” In other words, children are able to develop better concentration skills and focus through undisturbed work.

Some parents might worry: “Won’t my child get tired of working? Doesn’t he need a break every 45 minutes or so?” In fact, Montessori students do take breaks – they are free to get a drink of water or use the bathroom as the need arises. They may choose to have a snack, stand up and stretch, or observe another student’s lesson. But regarding external interruptions of work, Dr. Montessori wrote, “A great variety of interesting research has been made into the question of change of work with identical results – namely, that frequent change of work causes greater fatigue than continuous work of one kind, and that a sudden interruption is more fatiguing than persistence.” Once the child’s concentration is broken, it is very difficult to try to engage them to the environment once again. Angeline Stoll Lillard, author of Montessori: The Science Behind the Genius, writes, “If we choose when to take breaks, then breaks work for us, but if the timing is externally imposed, breaks can be disruptive to concentration.”

Interestingly, there is a natural ebb and flow to children’s concentration during a three-hour period. Research on children in Montessori classrooms shows that after about 1.5 hours, there is a tendency for students begin to lose focus. Montessori educators call this “false fatigue.” Montessori guides don’t panic and send the students outside to run a few laps. We find instead that after ten to fifteen minutes of aimlessness, a student will redirect herself to a new activity in which she will become engaged at a heightened level of concentration, sometimes for as long as an hour. The student’s most meaningful work often takes place in the second half of the work cycle.

Lillard points out that, “Montessori teachers who adhere to three-hour work periods without interruption claim one can see the difference in the quality of the children’s concentration on days when children know they will be leaving the classroom in an hour for a field trip or doctor’s appointment or special music class.” Children who know they will soon be interrupted choose unchallenging “busywork” at best, and at worst become distracting to their peers. When children who don’t know an interruption is coming, they choose demanding work, become engrossed, and are understandably upset when the disruption takes place.

We want to give our children the opportunity to learn at their own pace, allowing them to concentrate and focus on the task at hand in an uninterrupted, peaceful environment. As Montessori guides, we follow the child’s schedule, not ours. One of the best gifts we can give our children is the opportunity to fully develop their concentration and independence, free from unnecessary adult interruptions.

Parent Challenge: Do an experiment. The next time you see your child deeply engaged in an activity, make a concerted effort not to interrupt your child’s concentration. Make a note of how long she persists with one task. The results may surprise you!

Learn more about the Greenspring Montessori School Elementary Program.

A Montessori Bathroom

Greetings from Florida! For those of you who don’t know me, I was a Lower Elementary guide at Greenspring and then the Director of Admissions before moving to Florida. My daughter, Lila, recently turned two and I would like to share a few thoughts on what it was like setting up a toddler-friendly bathroom.

Care of Self

As Montessori parents, our goal is to prepare the home environment for toddlers to be as independent as possible. The bathroom provides a wonderful opportunity to empower our toddlers and begin teaching them important life skills. Toddlers are innately motivated to take care of themselves, so they will be eager for these opportunities!

Giving Introductory Lessons

Children will need to be introduced to each process, broken down into simple steps. All of the needed materials must be easily accessible and in child-size containers. After introducing and modeling each skill, your toddler will need many opportunities to practice. Important skills to learn include:

*Washing hands

Provide a bottle of pump soap (my daughter loves the foaming kind) or a small bar of soap and a washcloth on the counter. You might consider using a faucet extender so your child can reach the water more easily. View a sample lesson here.

*Brushing teeth

Prepare a tray with the necessary supplies: toothbrush, toothpaste (which you may wish to portion out in individual containers at first rather than make the whole tube available), a timer, and a small water glass. View a sample lesson here.

*Brushing hair

Prepare a tray with a hairbrush and/or comb and place with (or near) a mirror. View a sample lesson here.

*Blowing the nose

Have a box of tissues accessible. If you worry about your toddler enjoying this activity a bit too much and using the whole box (see photo below), you can place a few folded tissues in a small basket. View a sample lesson here.

*Washing with a washcloth & Washing hair

Toddler-size bottles will allow your child to pour her own soap without emptying the entire supply. You can use a small plastic basket, tray, or suction cup caddy to store supplies. A suction cup mirror will allow your child to see herself while washing. (You may still need to assist with the rinsing.)

Necessary Items within Reach

Keep all necessary items within reach. If you have room in your bathroom, a shelf set up with supplies is ideal. Or you can empty the cupboard beneath your sink to store some of these items.

Beginning Toileting

This is a weighty topic for another day, but just a few suggestions:

Start changing your child’s diapers (standing up) in the bathroom whenever possible. Allow your child to help with her own diapering as much as possible.

When your child starts to show an interest in the toilet, encourage this interest. Allow your child time to sit on the toilet, practice flushing, and washing hands.

If you are comfortable with it, allow your child to watch you using the toilet and assist with flushing and washing hands.

Have a floor potty available as well and allow your child to sit on it (clothed or unclothed) whenever she shows an interest. Keeping the floor potty in the bathroom is ideal if you have room – this reinforces the idea that toileting takes place in the bathroom. Now that Lila is fully engaged in the toilet-learning process, we keep a basket of underwear and books near her potty.

Have a child-size toilet seat and step stool for the adult toilet so that this is also an option. You can allow your child to choose which she wants to use.

Supplies

These are some of the items I recommend. (These are linked to Amazon.com.)

Sink faucet extender & Tub faucet cover

Stepping Stools: Kidcraft or Soft Grip

Two-in-one toilet seat (or Toilet seat with ladder) and a Potty chair with a soft seat

Articles & Resources:

Montessori Now (blog): Montessori Activities for Self Care

Montessori Teacher Collective: Montessori lessons plans for care of self

Michael Olaf: 1-3 Years Care of Self

Montessori Services has every basket, tray, and child-size dish you could ever want!

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In my next blog entry, I will discuss setting up a child-friendly kitchen. To view my previous blog entry about setting up a Montessori bedroom, click here.

Discipline in a Montessori Classroom

by Emily Shattuck, Children’s House Guide

After the field trip to Rodgers’ Farm last week, a parent commented how amazed she was by the children’s discipline. When it was time to leave the farm to return back to school, the children immediately stopped climbing on hay bales, bouncing on hippity-hops, playing tag and lined up. She said it was as if I had a magic ‘dog-whistle’ and wondered how I achieved this. I am often asked how the Guide disciplines children in a Montessori classroom. My answer is: we don’t discipline the children; the children develop self-discipline themselves through purposeful movement with a determined goal. It is concentration with the Montessori materials that aids the child in creating self-discipline.

I realize that this sounds very mystical and vague. I will begin by stating methods that are NOT used to develop discipline in a Montessori environment. Commands, bribes, praise and threats are not viable methods to help the child develop self-discipline. Discipline is NOT adult-driven. In fact, in order for the child to develop self-discipline, the adult needs to get out of the child’s way! “Children decide on their actions under the prompting of natural laws. Adults do it by taking thought. If the child is to exercise this power, it is necessary that he be not directed by someone telling him what to do at every moment in his life. Inner forces affect his choice, and if someone usurps the function of this guide, the child is prevented from developing either his will or his concentration. So if we want him to acquire these traits, the first thing we must do is to make him independent of the adult.” (Dr. Maria Montessori, The Absorbent Mind, p.218)

By providing an environment with engaging materials, a three-hour work cycle, and minimal distractions, the Montessori Guide creates an opportunity for concentration that will lead to self-discipline. When a new student enters the Montessori environment for the first time, he can be disorderly, resistant to adults, and have a short attention span. The Guide respects the child and recognizes that he has an inner directive and must create his own personality. The Guide gives timely lessons to help the child engage with the materials. The child is given freedom to choose when to have snack, when to spend time with friends, when to work in the garden, when to sit quietly and look at a book, and when to work purposefully with the materials. When the child freely chooses work, he is following his inner directive. “By means of these exercises, children not only exercise their muscles but they also give order to, and enrich their minds. These activities strengthen the will and develop understanding. The child becomes ever more conscious of himself and his environment.” (Dr. Maria Montessori, The Discovery of the Child, p.306)

The child is never rushed, praised, or critiqued. She is given the time and space to develop herself. Even when an error is made, the child is then challenged to problem solve or practice to achieve perfection. For example, a few weeks ago, on Grandfriends’ Day, a child was not moving carefully while carrying a tray and dropped a glass vase on the floor. When the glass shattered, many grandparents rushed in to help the child. I intervened and asked them to step back and observe. The child calmly got a dustpan and brush and cleaned the broken shards of glass. If an adult had rushed in to help the child, she would have been robbed of her independence and the opportunity to problem solve and persevere! I did NOT say, “Now look what you have done! What a mess to clean up!” I knew that this child was capable of cleaning up broken glass because she previously had lessons cleaning up a spill. When something is dropped or broken in the classroom, I have faith that the children will take care of cleaning it up because they are not told to do it, but because it is their choice. When a child concentrates on his work, he develop self-discipline, self-awareness, and self-satisfaction. Discipline begins within the child.

There are occasions when a child is disruptive, disrespectful, or dangerous. When this occurs, the Guide must intervene to protect the concentration of the other children working in the classroom. Disrespectful or disruptive behavior also gives children the opportunity to practice their grace and courtesy skills. If a child is disruptive to another student, the classmate can politely ask that child to find her own work. The children thus develop peaceful conflict resolution skills which are practiced daily via lessons of grace and courtesy. It is also very valuable to have mixed-ages in the class to model peaceful behavior. The third-year students are well-versed in conflict resolution after two years of practice! Third-year children serve as models and help the younger children that have not yet developed self-discipline. Since the three year olds idolize the third-year students, their example is far more powerful than any words of an adult.

Although I do not possess a ‘magic dog whistle’ to beckon the children to do my bidding, I do have faith in the Montessori method and the wisdom of the child (plus lots and lots of patience). Time and time again, I observe the change in a child after she has been engaged with a material. After a child concentrates on a work and fully attends with body and mind, I know that she is on the path to discipline.

I also want to thank you, the parents, for helping us achieve concentration in our environments. By supporting us in our school policies such as arriving on time, adhering to the no-carton clothing guidelines, and leaving toys at home, you help minimize distractions so our children can concentrate on the important work of disciplining themselves.

If you would like to learn more about how Maria Montessori’s century-old observations about concentration are supported by current neuroscience, there are some great explanations in these videos:

A Montessori Bedroom

Greetings from Florida! For those of you who don’t know me, I was a Lower Elementary Guide at Greenspring and then the Director of Admissions before moving to Florida in 2010. I am now the Director of the Greenspring Center for Lifelong Learning. I wrote this piece when my daughter, Lila, was one in order to share a few thoughts on what it was like creating a Montessori bedroom in the home.

The Elements of a Montessori Bedroom:

Floor Mattress

A floor mattress allows your baby to crawl in and out of bed as soon as she is old enough to move around independently. When she wakes up, your baby can freely explore her bedroom rather than crying out for an adult to free her from “baby jail.” If the environment has been set-up with accessible toys and books, your baby can learn to entertain herself for increasing lengths of time.

Lila slept in a bassinet at the foot of our bed until she was four months old. We then lived in several short-term housing arrangements; this kept us from putting her on a floor mattress until she was six months old. But my friend and Montessori colleague, Nicole, used a floor mattress from the moment her son came home from the hospital! She placed her newborn in a Moses basket directly on the floor mattress until she felt he was ready for more space. The first time Lila crawled out of bed on her own (at my parents’ house), she was so pleased with herself!

I started with an organic crib-size mattress, but quickly found that Lila rolled off it almost immediately (as you can see above). I placed blankets all around the mattress for extra cushioning and often found her sleeping on the floor with her head on the mattress. (That was one expensive pillow!) Soon, I switched to a twin mattress. (If you have room, you may even prefer to use a futon or full-size mattress.) Placed in the corner and framed on the third side with a safety rail, Lila tends not to roll off accidentally, but can still get in and out freely. I placed non-skid bathmats around the perimeter of the mattress instead of blankets.

I also fashioned a wall bumper out of foam core, batting, and an extra sheet to prevent her from rolling into the wall and bumping her head.

The idea of a floor mattress makes some parents nervous. But in actuality, many crib accidents occur every year when babies climb and fall out or get stuck in the slats. By setting up a completely baby-proofed Montessori bedroom, a floor mattress can actually be safer than a crib. You may also find that using a video monitor in the baby’s room helps you feel more secure. (One friend uses a Dropcam to view the entire room and even enables her to watch from her smartphone.)

Baby-Proofing

Because Lila can move about her room freely, we had to baby-proof the entire room. We covered outlets, hid wires behind furniture, and bolted shelving to the wall. By placing a safety gate in the doorway, the entire bedroom is safe and there is no need for a crib. (Fair warning: Lila is deeply insulted when the baby gate is closed, but we figure it is still friendlier than a closed door. I know that she is safe and I feel free to go to the bathroom in peace!)

Low Shelves

We placed toys and books on a low shelf so that Lila can access them independently. Lila was delighted when she first saw her new space; she seemed to know this room was designed just for her. In the morning, Lila often wakes up and starts playing with her toys.

We are trying to resist the urge to fill the room with toys and instead carefully select just a few toys, which can be displayed in baskets. I rotate toys from time to time to keep options limited and her interest high.

We try to select toys made from natural materials whenever possible. It can be challenging to keep plastic and battery-operated toys out of the home, especially when given as gifts. A few of these toys have actually been very nice but most mysteriously “disappear” after a while. I subscribed close family and friends to several Montessori catalogs so they would have plenty of gift ideas. You can also keep an Amazon wish list for friends and family to reference when they wish to buy a gift for the baby.

Alternative Perspective: My friend, Nicole, found that her son had trouble falling asleep in a room filled with stimulating toys. She decided to place only a few stuffed animals and books in the bedroom, reserving it as a place for nursing and sleeping only. Instead, her son’s toys are in a separate play area in the family room.

Diapering area

Ideally, the diapering area would be in the bathroom so the child learns to connect toileting with the bathroom, but as our bathroom is very cramped, I keep a changing pad on the floor in one corner of Lila’s room.

A few items – such as diaper ointment and wipes – are kept inaccessible on top of the dresser, but safe items are kept available so that Lila can learn to help with her own diapering. Lila actually prefers to be diapered standing up, which was challenging at first, but we encourage this as it is actually the first step toward toileting independence. Now Lila prefers to be diapered while walking, which is really challenging!

Darkening shades and white noise

The Florida sun is intense and it is often still bright as mid-day at Lila’s bedtime. As a consequence, we have installed black-out roller shades in her bedroom. We also use a white noise machine to help mask the sound of Lila’s daddy crashing around in the kitchen each morning. It’s a fine line – while I don’t want Lila to require pitch black or total silence to sleep, I also find that these measures ensure that she is well rested.

Décor

We have tried to keep Lila’s room functional without too much clutter. Montessori recommends decorating with beautiful artworks framed in plexiglass and posted at the child’s eye level. Confession: I have not yet implemented this. I still have framed artwork (that is special to me) at my eye level. When Lila is a little bit older, I promise to get with the program and add some lovely items behind plexiglass at her eye level.

Many Montessorians mount a long, horizontal plexiglass mirror next to the baby’s bed. Taking Nicole’s advice, I decided not to place the mirror next to her bed so as not to overstimulate Lila as she is falling asleep. Now that she is one year old, I find that Lila gets very busy playing when she senses it’s bedtime. So I may be soon converting her room to a sleeping-only room and relocating the toys elsewhere…

As a teacher, I was constantly tweaking the classroom environment based on observation of my students and how the space was serving their needs. It’s just the same when preparing the home environment! (For example, I recently moved the mirror to Lila’s diapering area in an attempt to keep her distracted during diapering, but it didn’t work.) I am trying not to get too attached to any one solution. As Lila’s needs change, so must her space.

In my next blog entry, I will discuss setting up other rooms of the home. Questions? Suggestions? Email me! My email address is mjarrell@www.greenspringmontessori-b.dev.

Recommended Reading:

Books & DVDs:

How to Raise an Amazing Child The Montessori Way by Time Seldin (a great overview with beautiful photography)

Montessori From the Start: The Child at Home, from Birth to Age Three by Paula Polk Lillard (very in-depth)

Bringing out the Brilliance in Your Infant (DVD) by our very own Head of School, Tamara Sheesley Balis (please let us know if you would like to borrow or purchase a copy)

Articles:

To Crib or Not to Crib

A Montessori Home Tour

How We Montessori (navigate on left vertical column)

The Kavanaugh Report

Online Shopping Resources:

http://www.montessoriservices.com/preparing-the-environment

https://sprout-kids.com/

http://www.communityplaythings.com/products/shelving