Seeing a two year old preparing a snack for their classmates in the classroom or an Elementary student initiating a trip to a local university can be inspiring, but it also leads some families to question whether it is too much to expect of them. When families share this, we listen closely. Parenting and educating children is deeply personal, and alignment between home and school matters deeply. This is why it is important to clearly name why our expectations are what they are—and what we mean when we say we believe in children.
In Montessori education, our expectations are rooted not in pressure or perfection, but in trust.
We trust that children are capable of more than society often gives them credit for. We trust their ability to problem-solve, to care for themselves and their community, to regulate their bodies and emotions. None of this happens right away! We begin working on these skills with our youngest children at just 18 months because we know these skills take guidance and time. And we trust that when given meaningful responsibility, children rise—not because they are forced to, but because they are developmentally ready.
Dr. Maria Montessori’s philosophy from over a hundred years ago is backed by modern neuroscience. In her book How to Raise a Child with a High EQ, Dr. JoAnn Deak shares:
“We build confidence not by removing struggle, but by walking with children through it. Protecting children from every failure makes them fragile. Letting them try, fail, and try again makes them strong. Children develop resilience and self-worth not by always succeeding, but by learning they can survive setbacks.”
We know that it is often easier to have the adults initiate and lead while children fully devote themselves to play. We rush to do things for them rather than alongside them. We lower expectations in the name of kindness, yet unintentionally send the message: “You can’t.” Over time, this can quietly erode confidence and independence.
Montessori asks something different.
We ask children to:
- Care for their environment
- Practice independence
- Engage deeply with meaningful work
- Be accountable to their community
- Try, struggle – even fail – and try again
These worthy challenges are not arbitrary. They are carefully aligned with children’s developmental capacity. They respect the learner’s capacity for growth and encourage resilience, creativity, and independence—especially when supported by patient adults, thoughtfully prepared environments, and time.
Our role as adults is to notice their abilities, believe in their potential, and meet each child where they are. In the classrooms, we step back, observe carefully, and offer guidance, repetition, and understanding rather than control. This gives children the opportunity to grow their independence, confidence, and sense of responsibility at a young age. We scaffold these experiences in a loving, nurturing environment that gives children the change to fail – and learn from those experiences so that they have the confidence to take on the next big thing, knowing that they matter.
Our children are capable. And believing in their capacity is one of the greatest gifts we can offer.
